I believe that most leaders strive to be trustworthy. There aren’t too many leaders who
wake up in the morning, roll out of bed and say to themselves, “Hmmm…I think I’ll try to
break someone’s trust today!” Yet even in spite of our best intentions, there will be times
when we damage the level of trust in our relationships. Sometimes it’s due to our own
stupidity when we make choices that we know are wrong or hurtful to others. Other times
we unknowingly erode trust by engaging in behaviors that others interpret as
untrustworthy. Regardless of how it happens, breaking trust in a relationship is a serious
matter. When a breach of trust occurs, there are five steps a leader should take to repair
the relationship:
1. Acknowledge that trust has been broken. As we’ve learned from the success of the
twelve-step recovery process, acknowledging that there is a problem is the first
step to healing. Don’t use the “ostrich” technique of burying your head in the sand
and hoping the situation will resolve itself because it won’t. The longer you wait to
address the situation, the more people will perceive your weakness as wickedness.
2. Admit your role in causing the breach of trust. For some leaders this may be a
challenging step. It’s one thing to acknowledge that there is a problem, it’s a whole
other thing to admit you caused it. Our ego and false pride are usually what prevent
us from admitting our mistakes. Muster up the courage, humble yourself, and own
up to your actions. This will pay huge dividends down the road as you work to
rebuild trust.
3. Apologize for what happened. A sincere apology involves admitting your mistake,
accepting responsibility, asking for forgiveness, and taking steps to make amends
to the offended party. Explaining the reasons why something happened is fine, but
don’t make excuses by trying to shift the blame to something or someone other
than yourself.
4. Assess where the breakdown in trust happened using the TrustWorks! ABCD Trust
Model. Did you erode trust by not being Able, Believable, Connected, or
Dependable? People form perceptions of our trustworthiness when we use, or don’t
use, behaviors that align with these four elements of trust. Knowing the specific
element of trust you violated will help you take specific actions to fix the problem.
5. Amend the situation by taking corrective action to repair any damage that has been
done, and create an action plan for how you’ll improve in the future. Your attempts
at rebuilding trust will be stalled unless you take this critical step to demonstrate
noticeable changes in behavior.
You can’t control the outcome of this process and there is no guarantee that following
these steps will restore trust in the relationship. However, the important thing is that you
have made the effort to improve yourself as a leader. You’ll be able to lay your head on the
pillow at night with a clear conscience that you’ve done everything under your power to
cultivate the soil for trust to once again grow and flourish.
